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 It has been long.

That I wonder,

how did I do this 

in the past?

It's awkward.

It's strange.

Strange that it 

feels like I'm

finally meeting 

an old friend

that I have been 

missing.

Turns out,

it's the old me

that I'm missing.

It's nice to meet you

again after so long.

The broken but hopeful.

The lonely but warm.

The fearful but brave.

Pay me a visit

once in a while.

Gosh, aaaa

 Do I like you

because I have 

no one else

to like?

Or is it

because

I like you

that I can't find

anyone else 

to like?

hope you had a

good year.

bye 2020

Life goals

 Do you have one?

I used to.

My only life goal

was to become a mom.

But over time, 

I realise that your goals

should be ones 

that you can afford 

to achieve alone.

Your goals shouldn't be

in reliance of someone else.

I wish someone would have

told me this.

Am I that easy to you?

How come you appear

to be so understanding

of everyone

but not me?

What about me?

Don't I deserve to

be understood too?

Insignificant

I did not realise that you were just

a dust passing by.

Something that will either

go away when the wind blows

or something that I eventually

will need to wipe off.

Happen Ending

Do you remember a movie or a drama

by its ending?

Or do you appreciate the whole story more?

I used to think that the ending is

the most important.

Cause they'd live happily ever after,

don't they?

But most of the times,

I cannot recall the endings of the movies

or dramas that I have watched.

Maybe, the ending isn't as important

as we make it seems. 

Dda Na

They are still in me.

Hidden? Probably.

Gone? Never.

They are both me.

So why are you

ignoring the other? 

Who are you, again?

 I honestly

don't care about

what you think 

of me.

But I do care

what I think of me.

And most of the times,

I feel like I'm worthless.

And I think that's a problem

Attractive

 Am I attracted to

 you cause

you're unreadable?

Or do you become 

unreadable cause

I'm attracted to you?

그냥나한테와

It's all in your head

Just because I know

that I should not 

think like that

doesn't stop me

from thinking

like that. 

Waiting

 Over the years, 

I have come to 

realise that I'm not 

good at waiting.

I am an expert 

at giving up instead.

So let me do just that.

What can be worse?

The worst thing about giving up

is to pretend that you have made

the right decision.

By leaving what you defined

as 'toxic'.

But I mean well

Some people assume that just because

they mean well, they can never hurt anyone.

That is selfish. 

If you really care, what they feel is more important

than what you think.

But truth is, you don't care about them but only yourself.

You don't wanna their feelings in your conscience,

So, you say "but, I mean well"

lol, fuck off

Anyone there?

I know I'm not alone.

I know there are those who care.

They'd want to be there when I'm in pain.

They'd want to catch me when I fall.

They'd listen to me if I open up.

But, is it my fault that I just feel really lonely now?

Addiction

It's scary how addictive can giving up be,

Once you gave up on something,

You'll keep on doing it.

You keep on telling yourself to stop.

Don't go further.

It's hurting you.

So you should stop.

It's not going to work.

Just stop.

At first, it takes courage.

But now, it's taking you away.

You're addicted to it.

Stop

Fake it till you make it.

I was never honest with my feelings.

I was never taught to be.

They told me, I shouldn't cry.

Cry is for the weak and I should be strong.

They told me not to smile that much,

they'll think you're nice and

they'll take advantage of you.

They told me to never embrace my emotions

and decide everything using my head, rationally.

But now they say I'm heartless, cold and expressionless.

Who's fault is that?

Why is it mine?

Make what, really?

Why we give up?

I came to realise that

people don't simply give up 

because it's hard.

But they do

simply because

it is not worth it.

And worth is subjective.

When something is subjective,

there is no right or wrong.

But there is a reason.

Thank you for 

inspiring me

Sofa

I momentarily thought

That you belong in my comfort zone

The sofa I'm sitting on

Cause you have been sitting on it

for quite long.

Looking belonged. 

But you don't belong here.

You were never supposed to sit here.

That's why you eventually 

stood up and leave.

Gladly now, after a long time,

I get to stretch my legs

on this sofa of mine.

A thick blanket

When it's cold
I'll let you wrap my body
As you provide your warmth
That I need

When it's hot
I'll push you way
And you will be unneeded.

But when the weather is just normal,
There's an awkward feeling between us
Cause it will be hot with you
But I'll be cold without you.

More than being awkward,
it's inconvenient.

Path

I know that one day
You will understand what I am thinking
You will feel what I am feeling
You will fear what I fear
And you will regret just like I do

I know for a certain
As you are walking at the same path as I am
The difference is, you're a few steps behind

And even if I slow down my pace
I know you will never catch up
As it is never meant to be

But the fact that I know you will someday
understand me,
comforts me.